Vintage Renaissance

I have been attempting to write this entry for some time now (and I know this is not the first time for me to make that claim). I don’t know if it is writing so many letters to friends at camps (particularly Jennifer) and a renewal in my prayer journaling that has left me lacking in my blogging abilities… or simply that I have not made the effort. Either way, I’ve pledged to consistently update this thing in an endeavor to record my summer and here is my stab at fulfilling that.

Since I last updated, the Lord has certainly begun to work on that hip of mine. He is breaking me and it is incredible. Slowly and painfully He is tearing away my flesh and ransacking the strongholds of my old self that still cling to my heart. It has been a joy to experience a rebirthing time. A renaissance. Praise God.

What is so fascinating to me is that the “new creation” that the Lord forms His children into is simply an old creation: it is what we were always intended to be. The new creation is the original creation. Man before sin. Man without sin. Hence the vintage renaissance. By His grace, and for His glory, He is making me into the man that I was always intended to be and fell from just as my father Adam did. By the blood of Christ I can walk with the Lord in “the cool of the day.” By the forgiveness of God I can once again care for His creation and worship Him in all that I do. Praise God for this ancient, new creation. This redeemed creation. This rebirthed creation. I am His.

The Spirit has done much to show me my mistakes throughout last year. One of the largest ones was my poor treatment of some of my closest brothers. In my inconsistent focus, I took friendships for granted and ignored so many of the people I love most. I can list at least 5 conversations that have recently taken place over my lack of brotherhood. All of them say the same thing: “Derek, I love you so much and desired to keep our friendship strong, but you kept pushing away, ignoring phone calls, and, in the few times we got together, did not act real. There were times when I really needed you… but even more times when I just wanted to help you out. I could certainly tell that you were wearing a mask.”

It breaks my heart. I am so very sorry. To any who may read this acknowledging the same statement, I apologize.

I was reading Psalm 7 today and David, in his unbelievable faith, makes to God this cry, “if there is wrong in my hands, if I have repaid a friend with evil, or plundered my enemy without cause, let the enemy pursue my soul and overtake it, and let him trample my life to the ground and lay my glory in the dust.”

The Church is so quick to pray grace but never to beg consequences. This is the heart of David, the man the Lord loved so much. I desire that faith. I desire that humility.

God, I am not proud of last year. I am so insignificant. For all my wrongs to friends, for all my plundering without cause, let my soul be pursued! Overtake my soul, oh Lord, and trample it! Trample my life to the ground no matter the pain! Lay my glory in the dust. Break me. Shatter me. Kill my pride.

“For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” Philippians 1:21.

I am not my own.

Please, do not think that I am being too hard on myself. And surely do not imagine that all I am doing this summer is moping about, crying over my wickedness, tearing my clothes, and putting ashes on my head. No no, this summer looks nothing like that. I simply must put this on my blog. I must display my nothingness. I must admit my shortcomings so as to glorify the grace in Christ that makes me whole.

I may be nothing but He is everything. And I am His.

Trust me, this summer is incredibly joyful. I am so sorry for my mistakes… but I am far more excited about this vintage renaissance.

Grace and peace in our Lord.